Weight : 350
Pounds Lost: 15

So I finally got on the scale again (the first time was hard enough!) and I've lost 15 pounds! I am sure that it is the diet change. I feel better - less sluggish throughout the day. I also have had something wonderful happen! My husband is a disabled veteran and he has to have surgery for the 3rd time in September. So I have decided to go back to work, and I got a dream job! You are looking at the newest General Manager of a Goodwill Store! I feel kinda crazy with all these exclamation points - but I am super happy! I am up and moving all day, I am around antiques and other assorted treasures, my husband finally gets a friggin' break, and my son started preschool. Wow, when you start changing one part of your life it seems like the others follow suit.

So I have started talking things out with one of my bestest friends ever, Liz. She is a therapist and has been trying to get me to open up for well, as long as we've known each other. We've talked about how sick I was through my pregnancy. We've talked about how when I gained weight, people changed. Suddenly my friends treated me differently. My family treated me differently. Everyone treated me differently. We've talked about how I stopped caring and kept eating. I stayed in when my husband left. He was gone for 6 months, and I was alone. There was no one to care what I looked liked - just me and a newborn baby who slept all day. I pushed it all down - the not knowing, the pain and the fear when he came back injured. The anger when he needed surgery for the second and then the third time. The humiliation when I went to the doctor and they told me to just look into gastric bypass, as if I was too far gone to help. The unbearable pain of being diagnosed with hidradenitis suppurativa, and then having to hide from the doctor because I wasn't losing weight. I felt like a failure - but even worse, like I was doomed to be fat. She asked me if I was tired. Of course being silly me - I said "but I get enough sleep". She laughed and asked me if I was tired of living this way. In fear of myself, and of facing what needed to be faced. And she's right. I have been trapped like this for 5 years - which in terms of a lifetime isn't long - but those are 5 years of MY life. 5 years that I have wasted being ashamed, and afraid. I refuse to act like some diseased person. Yes I am ill, no it's not terminal. I have to pick myself up and get over this. I haven't even been to the doctor in over a year. It's like I had given up on myself, on living, on being able to be happy again. No more.


jo said...

Congrats on the 15 pounds! WOO HOO!

Congrats on the dream job! How wonderful for you!

Congrats that the surgery went well.

Yep, when you make a positive change in one area, it just opens things up and the good pours in.

It's wonderful you have a good friend who is a therapist. What valuable insight.

Great job!! What a happy post!

Maggie said...

Bazinga, indeed! Keep your spirits up, Brook.

Jennette Fulda has a new very inspiration post on just these topics on her Pasta Queen blog -- weight & health & adaptability.

Interesting that you suffer from hydradenitis suppurativa. I've been wondering if I might have a mild version of that myself. I guess I better have it check out.

Mama Brook said...

I would definitely have it checked out. I went through years of needless suffering just because I was too ashamed to have anyone look at it. It is a hard thing to cope with - but there are a lot of things that can make your life easier.